Dining in Alice Springs
The internet has brought the whole world closer together. Now siblings separated by continents can stay in touch with instant messeging and video-conferencing. Students in Rio De Janero can read original manuscripts of rare music from museums in Vienna. Balloon-popping fetishists can find fellow travellers around the globe. Enthusiasts of schadenfreude watch the unwitting dine at Bojangles in Alice Springs.
Treat it as a sport, like ornithology. Watch the 'jangleCam and see what atrocities you can spot in real-time action...
- Me asking for the pork ribs, not the revolting beef ribs
- Diners unable to make conversation around the table because the din pouring in from the bar
- Me emphasizing to the waiter that I want the pork ribs, not the beef ribs which I really hate
- Customer dismayed when they're never offered a refill of the 100ml Las Vegas-style courtesy soft-drink they drained in one mouthful.
- Me reminding the waiter to remind the cook that I want pork ribs, not the beef ribs, like happened last time
- Customers hailing one of the no-peripheral-vision waiters for some ketchup for five minutes
- Me flabbergasted when the waitress brings out a heaping plate of beef ribs
- Customer confused by the three thimbles worth of ketchup served in an enormous silver tureen
- Customer unable to find platinum or any other precious metal dissolved in said ketchup to explain paucity
- Me dismayed when the replacement pork ribs arrive, sans sauce or any taste aside from the nasty essence of the sheaths, casings, and sinews of the long-lived hog the ribs were hacked from
- Ignorant staff ignoring all tables except for the large, alcohol-ordering table of aging bikers nearby. Bonus points if you spot the aging, haler-topped 'silver fox' biker woman tattooed as if she was an underboss for the Roppongi Yakuza.
If you are not in a mood for Schadenfreude, the least you can do for yourself is never, ever go to Bojangles of Alice Springs. You should only go there if you are a single, 20-something local who just clocked off the job an hour ago and are looking to stand around a stinky, noisy bar staring at other single, 20-something locals. If you want a decent meal and a beer, goto Todd Tavern or Bar Doppio instead.
Posted by Nils Blutig at August 23, 2003 05:01 PM
| TrackBack